Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
