Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
