I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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