I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
