Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
