The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
