Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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