Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
