It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
