Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
