she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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