hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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