1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
