Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
