im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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