I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
