this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
