i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
