people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
