nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How naked do you want me to be?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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