You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
