By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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