Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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