Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
