so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
