im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
