I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
