Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
