I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I currently don't understand fingers.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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