Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They took my balls.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
