id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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