remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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