I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
