I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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