What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My ass is underappreciated
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
