Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
