i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
