I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
