Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
