I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
