It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
