Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
