Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
