butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
