just come out here and I will go home with you...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
