oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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