i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
