Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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