Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
