He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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