through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
